Things you should know when traveling to Guatemala, based on my first week of awkward/embarrassing situations.

In the US, I think on average I have about 1-3 awkward things happen to me on a daily basis. In Guatemala, as you'd expect, that average is much higher. Here are some tips so you don't repeat my stupid mistakes if you ever find yourself here in Pana:

-Don’t buy macadamia nuts in the shell if you don’t have a nutcracker. If you buy them anyway without realizing how hard they are to crack, don’t resort to using your hair straightener, because you will hurt yourself.

-Beware of adorable little kids who try to practice speaking English with you at cafes. They might just be very clever salespeople. But maybe just buy their postcards now and then anyway, because they could be about 8 years old, have 13 siblings, and still have to work on the weekends. True story. Also, kids that clever are deserving of a reward.

-When you go to bars, always try to mention you live in Pana, because it will usually lower the price of your drink. Otherwise you get what they call the “gringo price,” formally known on this blog as the “obruni price.”

-Try to steer clear of Danish ex-pats, especially if they’re clearly wasted.

-Always pay careful attention to how you’re saying something in Spanish, and whether you’re using the formal ‘you’ or the informal ‘you’ to the appropriate person. Or you may be embarrassed to realize later on, that while describing how snow angels are made, you accidentally sort-of rudely commanded a respectable adult to sit on the ground.

-Apparently, that European cheek-kiss greeting really is a thing, so just try to not be so taken aback when someone you just met abruptly shoves his/her face at you.

-Even if there may be a lot of mean, scrappy, vicious dogs running around town, try to contain your excitement when you finally see a cat, instead of being a loser and shrilly blurting out “GATITO!” because you thought no one else was around. But there definitely were people around, and now they are staring.

-If you lost track of what’s going on in a conversation in Spanish, just laugh when everyone else laughs. It usually works out just fine. Except when it doesn’t.

-Talking to middle-aged to elderly Guatemalans is the best way to feel good about oneself. They’ll make you feel good about being young and in your prime, (“Veintiuno? Eres pollito!”) and tell you you’re funny and pretty. Just don’t tell them you’re single, or they will probably try to find you a boyfriend.

-Don’t tell your host you like fried plantains if you actually hate fried plantains. This is a classic Hannah mistake.

Stay tuned for more. It's only been a week.