Goin' Public

My first public blog post! This is quite a big deal for me, as I never post anything publicly anymore. I remember back in the days of xanga, when this was something that was normal for me. Even though people look back on the days of xanga and laugh, I kind of like the idea better than facebook. Because people would share their thoughts, and it wouldn't be quite as limited as the brief pieces of thought that people spew all over facsbook posts and stuff. Even though xanga was just a bunch of emo middle schoolers that would just ramble. But now I'm just a lame college student that rambles. Though I'd like to think I've become much more interesting than I was in middle school.
Or at least I seriously hope so.
I wish I could remember my xanga name to see if it still exists. But I think I deleted it, which was probably a smart decision. I was an idiot in middle school. And I was in love with a gay guy for the majority of it too, so I probably just complained about that. In my defense, I didn't know he was gay until high school.
I always look back on myself in middle school or high school and I'm glad I've changed so much since then, because I never liked who I was back then. But hanging out with a friend from home for the past couple of days and reminiscing about back then has made me realize how glad I am that I went through those awkward and terrible phases of my life. There's so much one can learn from being an awkward child.
Like eventually, you learn that shyness is kind of narcissistic. Because not as many people are paying attention to the little things about you that you always notice and think are embarrassing. But even so, shyness is a tough thing to change about oneself. I like to think that now, I'm more just introverted than shy. There's a difference. I'm still pretty shy though. I'm working on it.
I've also slowly learned to be less socially awkward. Still working on that one too.
Oh, childhood...I would not repeat you if someone paid me. But I'm glad it happened.

I still feel like a child in some ways. Especially when I think about how much I have yet to learn and experience. I'm only 19.
This is a really random digression, but what if the world ended tomorrow? And I'm only 19 years old, with so much I'll never know about being an adult? This odd train of thought is brought to you by a friend's friend, who told him the world was supposed to end on Saturday because of the moon being closer to the sun than it's been in 20 years. It's complete bullshit of course, but if you think about the turbulent nature of current events lately, it's not hard to imagine, is it?
I would be spending my last day on earth on a bus for 5 hours. But at least I would have spent the last week with my family.
This is a morbid topic. But if you think about it from a different angle, the end of the world isn't all that terrifying. It's only because we're afraid of what happens when we're not here anymore. Or afraid of death. Which are both weird things to be afraid of. If the world ends, we're all in it together. I don't know why I'm talking about this.

This is why I'm afraid of blogs or twitters or facebook statuses...there's nothing interesting to say and it gives me a lot of anxiety for no reason. But I'll get the hang of this, and I will try to make it less ramble-y and boring.

And maybe stay true to the title of the blog. Make my life a little more interesting by just getting into shenanigans. Sounds like fun.